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7 Free Lessons from the Teachers of The Secret

Communicate with Clarity
In 1975 Bandler and Grinder proposed that people interpret information through a primary sensory system that allows them to "read" the person they are communicating with. This technique has been used for years to improve the quality of communication in any type of relationship whether it be personal or business!

  • They discovered that by watching someone's eyes, it gave clues to how they think. This is not a mind reading practice, more of a technique to tell which part of the sensory brain they are accessing. Thus NLP or NeuroLinguistic Programming was born.
  • Bandler and Grinder suggested that, when people look up, they're visualizing.
  • If they look to the left and downward, it is an indication they are accessing the feeling portion of the brain
  • A horizontal movement to the left and right, they're either constructing or remembering sounds.
  • Someone looking downward and to our right indicates they are talking to themselves

The Five Senses
We tend to favor one of the five primary sensory systems however visual, auditory, or kinesthetic are the most commonly used. Every communication with someone, sends clues as to how they processes information.


  • Stand, or sit, with their heads and/or bodies erect
  • eyes up, and will be breathing from the top of their lungs.
  • often sit forward or on the edge of the chair.
  • tend to be more organized, neat, well-groomed and orderly.
  • Memorize by seeing pictures, and are less distracted by noise.
  • They will be interested in how someone looks at them, and will respond to being taken places, and being bought things.
  • Conversations may include: See ya later, That looks good!, Watch out, I just can't picture it!


  • They breathe from the middle of the chest.
  • Talk to themselves, and are easily distracted by noise.
  • Like music and learn by listening.
  • Often interested in being told how they're doing,
  • Responds to a certain set of words or tone of voice.
  • Tend to use words and phrases like: I hear you, Sounds great, "Good to talk to you."


  • They will typically be breathing from the bottom of their lungs
  • Posture is often more slumped over, and they often move and talk very slowly.
  • Typically access their feelings and emotions to "get a feel" for what they're doing.
  • Touchy feely
  • Respond to physical rewards, and touching.
  • Often physically oriented people (athletes).
  • They use words like: Iíve got a feel for it, Get in touch with me, Hold on!

Uses of NLP

  • Some executive leadership trainers use NLP to facilitate the teaching of building relationships in business. Imagine the power of these communication skills in negotiations, a sales situation or when working with team members.
  • Customs agents effectively use it to determine if someone, coming through the border, is lying.
  • Identifying the unique learning style of students so that teachers are more effective is priceless.
  • Sales people discover how to sell effectively with integrity by making sales that benefit the customer.

Building Rapport or Developing Charisma in Communication

Charisma is easy to spot but hard to describe. It comes from a magnetic energy that makes you believe this person, hears you, sees you and really cares. The lines of communication flow both ways.

Using similar sensory cues that your business partners or friends use, permit you to understand and be understood much more easily. It's the secret to effective communication and small part of developing charisma..

Matching / Mirroring

  • The first major element of rapport is to match the sensory modality the person is using; visual, auditory, or kinesthetic
  • The second element of rapport is physical mirroring of the individual's physiology; their movements, gestures, facial expressions and posture.
  • The third element requires you to match their voice tone, tempo, timbre (quality of the voice), and the volume. Try matching their key phrases as well.
  • The fourth element is to match their breathing.

You can then change their behavior by "leading" them once you have rapport! It is said that, 38% of all communication is tone of voice, and 55% is physiology. Improve your business and personal relationships by learning to communicate with clarity and by developing the qualities charisma.

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Updated - November 05, 2009