Don’t Try to Change Me ~ Why Relationships Die

A common refrain is, “If you loved me, you would…” It has nothing to do with love and is all about perception. In the beginning, we don’t notice the little things that become major annoyances as time goes on. If we really paid attention, when we began going out with someone, we would find that our potential partners tell us everything we need to know right up front. The problem is we have to listen or read between the lines. I remember complimenting someone I was going out with and he said, “Someday you will find out that none of that is true!” I did not “hear” him. We got married and I only remembered that statement after the divorce proceedings began.

The pain in a relationship comes from trying to force someone to do something they don’t want to do. You are not here to change others. Accept that you can allow them to be as they are, to believe as they do. The only person you can effectively change is yourself. In changing the way you relate to others you in effect change the way they relate to you because you have upset the balance in the way you interacted with them previously. By accepting others as they are, you allow them to grow and to learn for themselves. If you can’t tolerate their behavior, consider whether or not you really want to continue in the relationship, assuming they may never change. We all deserve to be loved the way we want to be loved. The choice is yours.